They say I’m a narcissist. They say it with disdain but I just laugh and take another selfie!
I wouldn’t say I have a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I just have a high self-esteem and love myself. Okay, okay, so yes I’m a bit cocky and I can manipulate a situation. Yes, I have a love of mirrors and the camera, but I wouldn’t say I am selfish. Anyone who is a true friend to me will know that I would give my last to make them happy.
How did I get this way?
I wasn’t always self-confident. Hell, I was insecure! I was a skinny, glasses-wearing goofy little girl. I wasn’t the cutest, but I did have three traits that drew people to me.
My personality: it’s warm, bubbly and it attracts people.
My eyes: I like to call them pools of seduction and.
My legs: Oh, my legs! A smooth silky carpet to the heavens.
Sorry, there I go again focusing on me.
As time passed, I accepted my flaws. I accepted that no matter what I ate, I wouldn’t get fat. Yet, with the right work out, the curves came. Yes, I was skinny, but not straight like a number one. I think I can compare to the letter ‘b’. Yes, a common b. Let’s just say there’s enough junk in my trunk to turn a head or ten.
My weight and the amount of food I eat or don’t eat, always seems to bother other people more than it bothers me. I remember going into a store to buy a pair of jeans and the attendant brought a size 0. I looked at her and I gave her my signature blank stare, because although I have height and a slim stature, it does not mean I am a 0. Never in my life, have I been a zero.
What makes me laugh uncontrollably is the people who love to tell you, “Oh you so skinny. Oh you bony,” but yet them paying real money to a gym, working out and eating healthy food to get to what? My weight?
It’s alright, I’ll just stuff this cake in my mouth and listen to you go on about my weight. I mean eating everything and anything and not getting fat, yeah, that’s a big issue.
I accepted that I am scared to death of the dentist, so until I can grapple with the thought, my overbite will have to stay. Well, only for a couple more months, as it is time to face my fears.
I love my face moles and no amount of concealer seems to hide them, but I don’t care, because they define me. They tell a story of my struggles.. (laughing) nah, not really. But my momma has them and they don’t bother me, so no, I don’t care if they make me look older. No, I don’t care if they bother you. They’re on my face not yours.
So I’m legally blind. Well, not really, but my vision is lacking. I hated my glasses as a teenager and now I wear contacts, but I actually love wearing my glasses. So does my significant other. He loves to compare me to a naughty school teacher but that’s an article for another time. Or… maybe not.
In all honesty, one day I just woke up and said, “This is me”. I am not going to pretend to be anyone else, I am not going to change who I am, but I will accept who I am. I am comfortable with who I am, physically and emotionally. I know that I am a good person, I don’t have to shout it from the rooftops, I am sure my true friends can attest to the amount of times I’ve bailed them out, been a listening ear or given thought provoking advice.
Sometimes I scare myself. Like, when did I get so mature and wise!
My secret though is being true to myself. I don’t need validation from anyone. I am a free-spirit and as I tell people all the time, I love to socialize, but you see solitude? A time when I can slip into myself and my mind and sit and write or just dream? I love it. I am comfortable with my own company.
I can’t assure you that my approach will work for you, but what I can say is: Be honest with yourself. Accept yourself for who you are and that right there, is the first step to loving yourself.