Well I could just kick myself. I’m in one of the slowest maxi-taxis ever, heading up to Tunapuna in the evening rush hour, being really offended by the lack of foot space in this bread van. Well life being the predictable creature that it is, leans a little heavy on me, like an index push on a line of dominoes, sending this man, that smells like Bengay to sit next to me. But the windows are taped shut to keep the shattered pieces together , like many of our souls I suppose.So I can’t open the window to get a slice of air from the outside,and in this sifted state, I forget my train of thought that seemed so important before I boarded this maxi.
So why is it, that whenever you’re in a hurry everyone takes his or her time. Like Mr. Bengay here, that takes five minutes to get a two second sneeze out, spraying me of course in the process. The the driver taking forever to make change from a five dollar bill.
“Where you say you come in… San Juan… You sure is not Port-of-Spain?”
For Christ’s sake! It’s a fifty cent loss if the man lying. The man wins, the driver steupse, we move on. Wait Mr. Bengay here decides after two seconds that this is his stop, I breath.
Looking at the driver, I wonder how about life, his shattered window, his reason for hanging in there. I guess because you never know who the next body found in some ditch the next morning is going to be. You know? The one that makes the headlines. Even I sometimes want to scream at the day to stop and let me off when I feel like life’s last domino is but a push away.
Being still distracted and I am unable to reach into the envelope of my brain that holds unfinished thoughts, for a possible tomorrow’s mail off. At the point of thinking this, a severely retarded man walks into the maxi accompanied by an old woman… mother maybe, and he begins to talk in an unfamiliar tongue, pointing at my face. I look at him unimpressed under my shades. To get away I escape into yesterday’s sunset on the promenade, I remember looking at the gentle grass, and flowers that seemed to kiss the greenness of of a life that could appear at times, so innocent. And I stand wishing that I was able to lie and be strengthened in that glow, living for that exact moment.
Maybe just healing some of the hurt we carry with us, trying to hold some of the shattered pieces together, so we can appear whole to a world, that is in itself taped together. I remember remembering where I was, and shaking myself out. After all this is T&T, a guard bound to take me for a vagrant, and run me, or a vagrant bound to take me for another vagrant mate maybe, and decide that I want company. And I stray from yesterday back into today and remembered where I was… new goals… from now on big maxis or taxis, maybe a loan for a car. Well the end of my journey confronts me… later, my stop.