If you are an African-American Man and have spent anytime either around African-American Women or listened to the sisters via television, then you probably are intimately familiar with the one on the prevailing sentiments most of our sisters have of us which is “There ain’t no good Black Men.” I am sure you’ve heard it or at least know of a brother who has. Granted, African-American Men have much work to accomplish in the area of personal development so that we can address the concerns of our families and our communities. This is cannot be denied. However, something perplexes me. If all Black Men got their act together and became the responsible, understanding, loving, nurturing and focused men that God has intended for us to be, a significant number of brothers would have to venture outside of the race to find comparable mates. I say this because the crop of good Black women to pick as mates is dismal. Good Black men have a better chance at finding a needle in three haystacks than finding a comparable good Black woman. Let’s look at why I say this situation is dismal.
We constantly hear the battle cry of the lack of good Black men. Never is it proposed that there are no good Black Women available from which the brothers can choose. A significant number of Black Women feel that they should be able to pick from the creme of the Black Men’s’ crop just because they are Black women. Not so says this author. Good Black men are good Black men because they are doing something with their lives. We are responsible men who want to do something for the community.
One million of us came to DC because we wanted to make some type of effective change in our lives and in the lives of the people we love. We do not come to relationships empty and hope the sisters will fill us up and make us whole. We come to relationships with desires and needs just like sisters do. When sisters meet these good black men and slap down their list of demands (mistakenly labeled qualities) for what they want in a Black man they often times are insulted when the good black man says “o.k, I can meet those demands”, then he slaps down his own list of demands for what he wants in a Black woman. We often hear foolishness like “Well he just couldn’t deal with a strong sister.” Could it be the sister could not deal with a strong Black man? Another hindrance that Black men have in finding a good Black women is attitude.
A significant portion of our sisters have this “we are owed something because we are Black women” attitude. I can only speak for myself but aggressive, angry, uncompromising, antagonistic and hostile women are not the type of women that I would classify as good Black women. I have grown weary of hearing “All men are dogs.” Well, that is indictment of all black men. Of course the sisters who say this can’t find a good black man because you think all men are dogs. Even if that were true, who are these men dogging out? All of these sisters can’t fiegn ignorance of how some of the brothers are with the sisters. There are tell tale signs. If the sisters don’t pay heed to those signs, don’t they also play a part in their own deceiving?
And why do so many women continue to go down the same relationship avenue and expect to get to different a relationship destination? You are not responsible for where the road goes but you can chose not to go down that road. And if you do go down that same road for the umpteeth time, don’t scold the road for taking you where it always has. Take responsibility for making a conscious decision to go down that road. Sisters want brothers to take responsibility, and rightfully so, for our actions and inaction’s. Is responsibility gender specific? And if not, then should the sisters take responsibility for their own actions and inaction’s?