Heads Up!

Unlike other weapons, it is not illegal to possess a penis. Therefore, the male of our species spends an inordinate amount of time trying to let as many people as he can know that he is carrying.
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If we accept that the sexual revolution was fueled by the fires of bra-burning, it is easy to see that the most potent weapon in the on-going battle of the sexes is the penis. Like most lethal weapons, it is ugly and not worth a second glance when not primed for action; but given the right circumstances, with the right buttons having been pushed it’s “Bang! All over, only the mess remains”.

Unlike other weapons, it is not illegal to possess a penis. Therefore, the male of our species spends an inordinate amount of time trying to let as many people as he can know that he is carrying. How else can we explain those odd cultural fads like skin- fitting jeans, thongs on the beach and the ever-popular adolescent habit of carrying a sock in the pair of underwear that you are wearing?

It is also important to note that the male is the subset of our species that has spent the most amount of time describing and cataloguing items and objects as phallic symbols. A cursory glance at anyone’s list of these symbols will give the reader an impression of the potence that men believe that they carry around with them. Motorcyles, artillery, sportscars, rockets are just the first off of the top of my head. The tragic reality of the phallicity of these symbols to any thinking human, is the attribute of speed over short distances ending in the absolute fatigue or destruction of the object…there’s something to think about.

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This brings us back to the start therefore. If the male, the possessor of said weapon of destruction, lends such short-lived attributes to said weapon ; what then makes said weapon so destructive ? In one word, GREED.

Greed or covetousness, one of the seven deadly sins. Some people, when they hold a loaded weapon in their hands have the urge to destroy; to exert their assumed power. This has less to do with the weapon than the psyche of the person holding the weapon. So too the penis. The penis does not make one greedy, the possession of the penis in relation to the psyche of the possessor does. Everyday life offers innumerable tangible examples ; the existence of the glass ceiling in the corporate world to ensure the dominance of the male in the workplace; promiscuity and the lust for power that the dominant partner in a sexual relationship enjoys and who can ignore that most stereotypical of adolescent male fantasies…everyone knows which one I’m talking about.

As a healthy, thinking heterosexual male raised in a patriarchal society; I confess that I’m guilty of all of the above. The interesting part however is that it is not only men who have made the penis the lethal weapon that it is. Yes ladies, are you woman enough to admitthat you too are guilty of penis-induced greed? Female friends of mine have told me that an attached man is more attractive than a single one because he is in a relationship. They then goes on to explain that “… if he’s good enough for her, he’s good enough for me”. My question then is this, if you choose to act on your impulse what becomes of the woman that he is in the relationship with ?

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As I’ve noted, in a patriarchal society, the penis is king. We spend an inordinate amount of time trying to find ways of providing it with pleasure…in thought, word and deed ; sometimes to the detriment of all else. How else can we explain the growth of the porngraphic industry in all the media?

My latest thought revolves around the licensing of the penis. In a society that venerates male promiscuity at a time that sexually transmitted diseases are on the rise, this may be the only answer. The penis is a lethal weapon, one of mass destruction and its responsible use must be paramount in everyone’s mind. I haven’t yet got the licensing structure complete, but it’s something to think about.

On this, the cusp of the millenium, let’s take this matter in hand and see if we can use our heads to bring this debate to a satisfactory conclusion.


Douglas Brunton can turn his tongue sideways... really! He is willing to prove it. For appointments...
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