Rude Boy

If you're like me, who--by some quirk of nature--can turn his tongue sideways, having a mouth for rudeness is a fait accompli.
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“You have a rude mouth.” Can someone please, please tell me what that means? A few years ago, before I left Trinidad, I was standing on the street speaking with a friend of mine. Up walks this young lady, she excuses her intrusion, looks me in my face and says “I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but you have a rude mouth.” As West Indians you know that when we speak with friends a little obscenity will creep into our conversation. To emphasise a point, to greet each other or just because. I’ll admit that there was obscene language being used but the young lady hadn’t heard all of that– she was talking about the shape of my mouth.

I certainly agree that your mouth can put you in trouble.. if you let it. Admit it, West Indians are known for saying the wrong things at the wrong time; laughing when they should be crying, cussing and raving and so on. take this example: Attractive young woman walking along a downtown street, a heckler looks at her “Uh! Sister, yuh looking good, yuh have room in those pants for me?” to which she demurely replies, “There’s only room in these pants for one…” (use your imagination). That’s the kind of trouble your mouth can get you into if you’re being rude.

Back to this rude mouth thing. I’ll be the first to say that a mouth can be used for rudeness–in close, closed quarters. If you’re like me, who–by some quirk of nature–can turn his tongue sideways, having a mouth for rudeness is a fait accompli. However, this in no way explains what makes a mouth rude. I understand the concept of sultry lips, sexy pouts, even the ridiculous statement, “ look like you could suck an elephant through a straw.” The problem is, all of these deal with lips as opposed to mouths. Any discussion on mouths must also include tongues and teeth can be described as rude.

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People can use their mouths to look rude. There is a girl in a beer commercial who, when she puts the bottle to her lips, makes my best friend break out in a cold sweat.

Have you paid attention to how sultry (rude) eating an ice cream can can be? How about the state you can put someone in when you apply your mouth to erogenous zones? Thats rudeness… not a clean shaven lip on a clean shaven cheek. Maybe that’s the problems. I have no confidence in my mouth. I wore a moustache over it for about eight years and when I shaved it off, my mouth was bared for the world to see. There was no preparation, and maybe the shock of its disappearance caused the problem–a simple lack of confidence.

I should conduct a poll among my ex-girlfriends, after all they’re the one that started it all. They’ve had the opportunity to test the rudeness of my mouth and that speaks for itself, but until the results are in, this rude mouth and thing will continue to baffle me. I guess I’ll have to start listening to people when they tell me “…Watch your mouth!”. Then maybe, just maybe, everything will be revealed.


Douglas Brunton can turn his tongue sideways... really! He is willing to prove it. For appointments...
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