Are Black Men The Enemies of Black Women?

Our ancestors knew we would forget, so they carved it in stone above the temple doors: KNOW THYSELF.
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In a post to their facebook page, African History & Heritage posted a very interesting question topic for debate.

BLACK RELATIONSHIPS: ARE BLACK MEN THE ENNEMY?

I was reading a thread the other day about black relationships. And i saw a number of women ranting about black men being the enemmy of Black women. I tried to investigate this matter. And it seemed that everywhere i turned Black men were considered to be the most threatening force working against Black women.

The words that were used were that of war and on the brink of pure hatred. What happened ?”I am not sure how I feel about this… I think they’re elements of the truth in the statement. Our men, our husbands, our brothers… they do seem so fearful, so locked in their pre-programmed ideas about OUR womanhood and femininity. They either try to claim it totally and force it to submit to their archaic ideas about roles and responsibilities, while failing to meet any of their roles and responsibilities.

I don’t know about another woman, I can only speak for myself, but no man is going to define me. I don’t care who he says he is to me, I choose. I define myself. I own myself. I won’t be a slave to any institution other than a slave of love.

Love for me, would never require my humiliation, my subservience or for me to be less than what destiny and fate design for me, and what I make of myself.

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I do feel so-called Black men have been programmed here in the West to abandon their women. They mask it under selfish reasons, they limit themselves to their basest nature, and a melanated woman who is shiny and powerful would force them to grow into their godhood. Many of these men are not ready for this shift in thinking, this shift in mode of being. Hence, they run away, they abandon their women and families; they resort to violence to win arguments they have not the wit or moral stance to win otherwise; they dis their sisters, fail to protect their wives, they give in to the evil of the world.

This is by no means everyone, but it is a significant majority. Anyone who argues otherwise is a fool.

Yet, my goal in life is balance. We need to balance our equations. I happen to believe that the so-called Black woman is the creator of this Universe. We create our circumstances, and that our female power has given us the ability to change our circumstances. We ARE the CREATRIX of our lives.

With this kind of metaphysical and spiritual stance, it is impossible to blame men alone for this. We are using our own damage and pain to create more damage and pain, and hence a vicious cycle.

I say, stop focussing on men sisters; Stop focussing on women, brothers.

Our ancestors knew we would forget, so they carved it in stone above the temple doors: KNOW THYSELF.

To THINE OWNSELF BE TRUE. A commitment made to your own healing and taking control of your life can only manifest in healing our brothers, our families, our communities and more the whole world.

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If we create our moments as women, we can change the world. We’ve done it before, and we’ll do it again, but it begins within. It begins with us, and until we as women take full possession of ourselves and stop allowing broken men, broken patriarchy, broken phallocentrism to define us, I don’t think it’s fair to say it’s all brother’s fault.

Black men are not the enemy. If that’s what you see when you look at them, then you as a woman, hate yourself for they are our mirrors. We need to start reflecting that which we love, and self-love is the first step towards that.

Big girl panties ya’ll, or if you like me: Combat boots and commando, cause I don’t do panties.

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N'Delamiko Bey

N'delamiko Bey (formerly Lord), is a writer, journalist and former Associate Editor for The Trinidad Guardian and a twenty year web development veteran. Her writing has been published in newspapers and magazines across the region, as well as in CAPE textbooks. She is The Sunhead Project's founder and Publishing Editor.
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