The Queen Bee

I am too much woman for your father to handle
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I feel like a Queen Bee. No joke…

All of you ‘gentlemen ‘ riding up hard into my inbox, kicking up dust wherever you see me on the road, and on Skype, and in SL, and like wherever the hell I seem to move and interact, hear what:

I am too much woman for your father to handle.

To those of you who ride a little gentler than these fucking nitwitted barbarians at the gate, ‪#‎givethanks‬ for all that lovely male energetic sunshine. It is deeply appreciated… Unlikely to go anywhere, but by all means do not stop. I do enjoy it.

To the rest of you: Get a damn grip on yourselves and stop fucking harassing me with this thirsty shit. At least try to spell like you have a damn education. Stop getting whiny and clinging when it is OBVIOUS I AM IGNORING YOU. This is not arrogance, but I am just not buying any of it. None of you are doing me any favours and I am offended by the way you are going about whatever agenda it is you think you’re passing off on me.

I am NOT your toy. I am NOT your plaything. I don’t have to talk to you, or take you or your particular brand of bullshit on. I am not interested in your brokeness and fucked-up-ness or fixing it. I really don’t give a rats ass about your potential, or your promises. Neither do I care about your attempts at overture or to ‘slide in’ as it were.

Let me be clear: All of you who living in your mother’s house, or some other woman’s house, all of you who tryna tell me who I am as a woman, and what my role is as ‘your woman’ and a mother, and what I can do to please you, and the ones who can’t ever seem to follow up, the ones who fell asleep at the wheel and then realised they lost the baby five miles back, the ones who owe back child support, the ones who beat their sisters, the ones who have penis fucking problems, the ones with not even a smidgen of imagination enough to fuck me to a satisfactory (for me) conclusion, the ones who secretly HATE their mothers, and who hate on women by constantly comparing and drawing parallels between feminine attributes and what makes a man a failure as a man because they’re utter fucking tools of a busted patriarchy, selfish lovers, stingy men, lazy men who let their women work while they cross their foot and complain about the frequency of dishes being washed, the ones who do not acknowledge their babies, the ones who hit and hurt and mistreat other people’s babies out of jealousy, the ones who beat babies out of bellies, the ones who pretend to be about something, but stand for not one goddamned thing, the ones who want a lil ‘cyberpoke’, the ones who are looking for the Black Whore, but have no respect for the BLACK FEMALE GOD OF US ALL, can all haul allyuh ass! Hold it in ya hand and step to de fucking left, oui?

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I am not nice.

See, this is the thing: I am in love with myself. I like love the me I am. I love Miko. I love Miko so much, I am not cheating on myself with a single one of you. I love my body, my mind, my spirit and everything about how I am moving through the deep waters where only mermaids like myself go. This is no place you can follow, and I am done with shallow waters…

The end result of YOUR bullshit and failures as men, is a rebirth of the Goddess. Ya’ll just need to get over your penises. I made one, and wiped pee off one, and trust me… it’s just a penis. You can rape, beat and kill us women because we don’t behave, you can treat us like we don’t matter because you think your penis is special, but its not. Your soul is special only if you want it to be. Most of you are so narrow, so flat, so one dimensional that there is nothing for me to do but treat you the way you are.

I am not playing the games you all like to play any more. I’ve been playing my own damn game for a while, and I’m not straying off course for a single one of you. I am not co-creating a fucked up world with you. I am not enabling you to be weak. I am not going to allow you to be weak. I am not going to allow you to make me weak. I am not going to be a party to your utter self destruction.

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I am not being the understanding homie/lover/friend for weak men anymore. I will NEVER and have NEVER submitted to a WEAK MAN.

I do not care at all about the politics of Black men any more. I don’t care for the politics of any man any more. I do not care about the legacy of slavery and its effect on the Black man. I do not care how hard it is for brothers out there any more. I do not care about the problems you had with women previously. I do not care about your whorishness or your promises to make me cum, that I already know will fall considerably short, pun directly intended. I do not care about how hard you have to work that you forget that life is more than a pay check that you never intend to share. I do not care about your big car. I do not care about your front stage behaviour.

I am going to call all of you, every single fucking time on your shit.

Ask me why?

I have loved Black men for my entire life… but Black men do not love me. I lived four decades and if I cannot see that what my sisters like Alexyss K. Tylor and Kola Boof are saying isn’t real, then I will keep wasting time with bullshit.

I love me. I don’t need ya’ll to love me. I also definitely do not need you to fuck me. So please, keep it moving. Every time one of you buzz me and try to convince me of something, you need to understand: I don’t give a fuck about you like that. I give a lot more than a fuck about me.

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I apologise for this generalisation and this kind of blanket ‘not a snowball’s chance in hell’ kind of declaration, but allyuh going to (and I do mean ALL, ALL of you fellas alternately pressing me or failing to live up to what you SAID you could do) have to give a sister a little breathing room… and I mean: Fuck off. In so many words.

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N'Delamiko Bey

N'delamiko Bey (formerly Lord), is a writer, journalist and former Associate Editor for The Trinidad Guardian and a twenty year web development veteran. Her writing has been published in newspapers and magazines across the region, as well as in CAPE textbooks. She is The Sunhead Project's founder and Publishing Editor.
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