It came easily, natural, and something I said I would never do, I ended up doing. I am not sure if I regret it either. I had been single for so long. Failed relationship after failed relationship, became the norm. Each person I opened up to turned up to be worse than the last, but I never stopped to think that maybe it was me. Maybe, I let the influence of the “perfect relationship” fool me. What was the perfect relationship? One where a guy will pamper me, treat me with respect and understand me? Is that a realistic want? To me it was.
Then I met him.
That day as I sat in the park, day dreaming, just trying to focus on the inner me. He appeared, and just like that we clicked. His smile, his height, his smell. Everything about him was perfect for me. Long story short, we started dating. Of course I saw the warning signs. Of course I knew this was too good to be true. But I was tired of being single, I was tired of not having what my friends had. And to top it all off, ignorance is bliss, if I don’t ask you obvious questions, I don’t get answers I don’t want to hear.
Do not let any woman fool you. Every woman knows, if she is the main chick or the side piece. I knew my role, and I played it well. I did not stress him, I just enjoyed him and all he had to offer.
I can hear the “naysayers” now. Calling me homewrecker, bitch or whatever other coloured adjective can be spewed, but you know what? I don’t care. Our society is too hypercritical. We live in a dream world, and I have decided that I wanted to be in the real world, not this utopic crap created by societal norms. As I flip the TV channels from BET to Fox, watching powerful women, sleeping with presidents, sleeping with whoever to get to the top. What makes them more different than me? My name could be Jane or Olivia. The Olivias and Janes are the backbone of our society.
We willingly, get into situations of “happiness” that lead to “unhappiness” and “confusion.” We willingly measure ourselves against the stick of others, thinking that if ABC has the perfect life and relationship, I should too. We as women, judge too much.We as women don’t support enough.We as women are quick to pull down and condemn, and have the mentality of “gotcha”.
“Perfect life? I laugh at that. I gonna show you perfect life. Hold this horn in ya crutch. I’m not happy… you shouldn’t be either,”…“Gotcha”.
When will we learn? Women, answer me! When will we learn that we deserve to be treated like queens? That we are the nurturers of life, that we hold such a prestigious role. When will we learn that we are not less of a women, if we are not all “booed” up? When will we learn that, we can’t judge our happiness on the basis of others? My mama always said, “Don’t watch the wings that others fly on.”
I don’t know the sacrifices of others, and their blessings aren’t mine. Women, I’m talking to you. Stop standardizing yourselves. Replace your Olivia and Jane mentality with a mentality of self-love and respect and everything will fall into place.